Всегда :Always:
by CrimsonDreamer13
Summary: It always hurt; the times when he knew that the American was leaving with Arthur, one of their -supposed- allies, to go on their ‘dates’. Russia/America


**Title:** Всегда ~Always~  
**Character(s) or Paring(s):** Russia, America, mentions of England, Russia/America, implication of USUK  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings:** Implication of 'those things', Russia's sappy thoughts  
**Summary:** It always hurt; the times when he knew that the American was leaving with Arthur, one of their -supposed- allies, to go on their 'dates'.

**Theme Song: **'Always' by Saliva

**A/N: **I suggest that you listen to the song while reading so you can feel it more...but that's just my opinion. Do enjoy the fic (if only out of pity for the author...)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hetalia nor do I own the song. I am just borrowing them for entertainment purposes.

* * *

_I hear a voice say "Don't be so blind"  
It's telling me all these things  
That you would probably hide_

It was rough; it was hard...but never passionate. Those were the only words that could describe the kisses they shared; those kisses meant to show the fierce _hatred_ they had for each other.

_Am I your one and only desire?  
Am I the reason you breathe  
Or am I the reason you cry?_

He, Ivan Braginsky, was always the one who took the initiative. He had thought it was supposed to feel good; the fact that his enemy was submitting to him.

But it never felt that way.

_Always, always, always  
Always, always, always  
I just can't live without you_

Ivan had always felt disgusted with himself at those times, knowing that his –Alfred's- submission was a sign of _his_ loss, _his_ weakness.

_I love you, I hate you  
I can't get around you  
I breathe you, I taste you  
I can't live without you_

But he couldn't help it; not when those sapphire eyes challenged him, defying his very existence.

Who was he to deny such taunts?

_I just can't take anymore  
This life of solitude  
I guess that I'm out the door  
And now I'm done with you_

However, there were also consequences to his acquiescence -he understood as much- and yet, why was it that he could never refuse the other's lure?

_I feel like you don't want me around  
I guess I'll pack all my things  
I guess I'll see you around_

It always hurt; the times when he knew that the American was leaving with Arthur, one of their -supposed- allies, to go on their 'dates'.

He never knew that falling could be so painful.

_It's all been bottled up until now  
As I walk out your door  
All I can hear is the sound of_

He'd tried leaving the other countless times before, a mask of indifference on his face as he did so.

But why was it that he kept coming back for more?

_Always, always, always  
Always, always, always  
I just can't live without you_

Just the thought of it, of the emotions he felt whenever _he_ was around, made him heady all over again and it _repulsed_ him to no end.

How could he have known that falling in love would feel this way?

_I love you, I hate you  
I can't get around you  
I breathe you, I taste you  
I can't live without you_

Ah, but now wasn't the time to depressed, mainly because the object of his 'affections' was right in front of him.

Though he had to wonder, what did the other know about falling in love? A discreet way of asking was not possible –what with the Alfred's enjoyment of beating around the bushes-, so a direct question would have to do.

"Alfred?"

"Hm?"

"Tell me..."

And he looked into those eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that captured his icy heart without even knowing it.

"...what's it like to fall in love?"

"Ah?"

"I just want to know.""Hmm...well, it feels kind of light..? Um, y'know that feeling after you ride a roller coaster? Not the puking-your-guts-out feeling though..."

"Затем?"

"Huh?"

"'Then'?"

"Ah, well...it's an 'excited' feeling, I guess? Like, the kind that leaves you breathless..._alive_..."

"Hm..."

"Why? Are you in love with someone?"

"Вероятно...it's possible..."

"Possible? You're not sure?"

"Well...is falling in love painful?"

"Painful...hm, is it unrequited?"

"Да."

"Then it should be understandable why it's so painful. Who's the 'lucky' girl then?"

"Ah, but you've already known too much, da? And you know what happens to people who blackmail me..."

"Haha, it seems you've uncovered my ploy. Damn, I'm getting rusty..."

_I just can't take anymore  
This life of solitude  
I guess that I'm out the door_

Though he was used to it, masking everything he felt with a mimetic smile, he couldn't help but feel upset at the other's reply. Was he truly nothing more than a plaything to him? A toy to satisfy his desires?

Was he really only worth that much?

_And now I'm done with you  
I love you, I hate you  
I can't live without you_

'America~ fu-' (1)

"Yes~? Iggy? How're you doing? Haha, that's good to hear! A date? You don't have to be so shy~"

Another pang of discomfort hit him as he listened to their conversation –mostly from Alfred's side-, knowing very well that the aura of happiness the other was radiating right now could never be because of _him_, the heartless Russia.

But really, why was he letting himself be used like this? He was powerful, he was the Russian Federation, he was the largest nation in the world Чёрт побери!

_I left my head around your heart  
Why would you tear my world apart?  
Always, always, always, always_

But in spite of all those things that he had said to himself, why was it that he could never let go? Why was it so hard to forget him?

Why can't he just stop loving him?

_I see the blood all over your hands  
Does it make you feel more like a man?  
Was it all just a part of your plan?_

"Hey, Ivan! I'll be going on a date with Iggy so...tomorrow?"

_The pistol's shakin' in my hands  
And all I hear is the sound  
I love you, I hate you_

The throbbing of his heart, the heart that was never his to begin with, clouded his senses as the other cocked his head at him in question.

"Well? Tomorrow then?"

_I can't live without you  
I breathe you, I taste you  
I can't live without you_

"...Да, tomorrow again."

_Always, always, always..._

* * *

(1) Yes, that is America's ringtone. I was too lazy to think about anything else.

**Translation Notes (In case you didn't get them):**

Всегда = Always

Затем? = Then?

Вероятно = Probably

Да = Yes

Чёрт побери! = Damn it!

And no, I am not Russian so if you think I got the words wrong, feel free to correct me.

...I'm seriously not heartbroken. Seriously. It's just...a stage of depression..? Ahaha...


End file.
